Here’s The Thing April 2, 2009

Not all has been well in my little world lately. I’m sure some of you may have noticed. My posts are fly-by and often disjointed making no sense to anyone, me included. I’ve been sleeping like crap again, and totally (well kinda, but not on purpose) avoiding my friends, or just not being in contact with them. (Also, work is incredibly insane and I have been doing most of my e-mailing and calling on my walks between facilities. I get a good 3 minutes to myself doing that.)

Here it is all laid out in it’s ugliness. I am stressed. As in super. Between work, and Bossy (more about that later) volunteering – that’s really not even an issue, but it’s always on the calendar, money, car stuff, all of that crap that comes with being a fricking adult. When I get stressed I either run myself ragged or tend to hibernate. These days it’s a little bit of both actually. It’s my birthday on Monday, and I haven’t even planned anything. I don’t even care. Those of you who KNOW me, know that I generally tend to enjoy my birthday and have birthday month. This year, I don’t even give a shit about it. It’s not because of the number (29 again, thankyouverymuch) it’s because I have so much fucking stress I can’t even enjoy life right now.

Work is seriously kicking my ass. It’s not even funny. The nice thing, the weeks FLY by and I can’t ever believe that it’s Thursday, already. I do not have any balance. I don’t know how to find it right now. Bossy girl is seriously sucking the soul out of me. Again, her and I are involved in a fucked up pissing match. One that shouldn’t even be happening. I can’t deal with her anymore. When I have questions, I would like them answered, I would like to be in the loop about MY FUCKING JOB. I would also like to be able to finish a sentence and not be cut off in the middle of it and given some basic respect. I have had to give it to her – apparently it doesn’t work both ways. I have had meeting after meeting with my supervisor about this, and really, I’m not thrilled about that either. She at least recognizes that I am making a huge effort and am actually better with the clients we deal with than Bossy is. But, I am getting frustrated that I am having the same conversation with her over and over. I haven’t been there 90 days yet, and still could be let go without reason – I am concerned that my not getting along with Bossy is going to get me canned. I don’t want to be the whiny one, but when I’m not not working to my capacity and have so much to learn it’s frustrating. One good thing, we will be hiring a temp. to handle a HUGE portion of my job that is seriously super easy and as my CFO said, I am a sharp girl and my skills could be utilized much better elsewhere in the organization. You know, like by doing MY FUCKING JOB. Oh, wait, I can’t do that until Bossy fucking teaches it to me. I hate her, she pisses me off to no end.

I am happy I have a job and realize that they are hard to come by, I am LUCKY. I have really no reason to complain. My health is decent, I have very dear friends and I am going on vacation next month.

So, to my dear friends, yes, I suck. Hopefully in another month or so, I’ll be back to being myself again and we will actually see each other face to face and before then, I promise I’ll e-mail more.